EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this just has baby written all over it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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