So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was CRYING into my vagina
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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