I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
