You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Farmville is her only friend.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
a search helicopter?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
