i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
