Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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