I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
