One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
