reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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