Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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