You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like heaven, but drunker
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
