Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
