lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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