The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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