I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
