dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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