I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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