Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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