Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
