but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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