I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
