I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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