just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
