I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
