I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
