Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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