i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
