getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
