I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
