first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I die, sorry about rent.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
