I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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