in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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