I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
