I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
