; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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