he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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