so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
