she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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