this beer tastes like vomit already
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
