U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
