I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
