So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Green mimosas i think yes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
