I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
