i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
