i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
