Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just googled if crying burns calories
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
