New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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