That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
