hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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