this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
