everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am mentally ready for anal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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