can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
