I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
tell me about the eggs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
