one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
