can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
