next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
