Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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