I'm really into asian looking animals
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
