you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
