i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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