I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
