Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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