who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
