i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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