After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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