she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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