You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
