I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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