I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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