Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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