Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
