I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
