We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
