What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
